3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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