So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
