What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
