You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bring money and cleavage
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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