I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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