I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
