i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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