Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
