Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
