you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
