gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
