Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
