dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
