when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
