I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
