You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
