I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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