Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
