the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
