You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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