I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You are the jesus of drinking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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