I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
