this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
