Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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