so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
