I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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