She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
did you just send me my own nude
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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