as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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