I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
50% drunk capacity currently
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
