I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
