he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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