nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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