I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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