god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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