so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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