I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
