i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
