Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
