I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
