I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
