Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
