He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
