you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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