Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
