sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
