maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
