Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
