my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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