Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
