Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
