I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
