Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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