Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
