Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
